


Playing It Cool

by mendeshoney



Category: Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 10:15:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23349781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mendeshoney/pseuds/mendeshoney
Summary: This is for Sami’s @evansweaters 2K writing challenge! This was due forever ago but life unfortunately got in the way. However!!! I still wanted to finish it and share it, so I’m sorry it took me so long. I stole the title of this story from the Chris Evans movie of the same title, but the plot lines are not the same. Here’s 23 Google Doc pages of I don’t know what.Prompt: fake dating AU + “cool girl” by Tove Lo
Relationships: Shawn Mendes/Original Female Character(s), Shawn Mendes/You
Kudos: 7





	Playing It Cool

Shawn calls the only person he feels he can pull reasonable advice out of, and he picks up on the first ring. 

“Hey mate! What’s going on?” 

“Hey Niall. Just chillin’.” Shawn says. “I need your advice.”

“Sure, what’s up?”

Shawn talks about the upcoming gala. The one Andrew told him about months ago but is only thinking about now, when it’s two weeks away because if anything Shawn’s still a procrastinator at heart. Niall knows all about it since he was invited too, but he lets Shawn vent, knowing it’s clearly bothering him.

The Gala is heavily populated with who’s who and is supposed to help him with “the good kind of publicity.” It’s as messy and cringeworthy as all PR related events are, even if everyone who’s supposed to be there is invited on the premise of emptying their heavy pockets and helping charities.

“Half Blood Prince” plays in the background, calming his nerves as he speaks. Shawn focuses on the scene, watching Harry and Hermione weave through the isles of the library as they discuss Slughorn’s party. He tunes out the dialogue to listen to what Niall’s saying. 

“What’s wrong with going stag?” Niall quips.

“Because apparently it’d be better for album promo if I went with a date.”

Niall hums in understanding. “Ah I get it. I’d offer to help you find someone but we run in the same circles so I’m not sure how well that would turn out.”

“It’s okay. Do you think I should have my team pick who I go with? Or do you think I should go alone?”

Niall makes a disapproving noise. “No dude. Find someone to go with yourself. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” He pauses, then laughs. “Sorry, I probably wasn’t much help.” 

“No it’s alright.” Shawn says. He gives Niall his thanks before the two hang up, and he leans his head back on the couch, sighing deeply. 

On his TV screen, something captures Shawn’s attention. “I’ll go with someone I like,” Harry says to Hermione. “Someone cool.”

And then, as if an answered to his unspoken prayer, his phone rings, your name and picture flashing on the screen. 

-

“Sure.” You say simply.

Shawn blinks, nearly spills the sip of tea he was about to take all over his lap. “ ** _What?_** ”

You shrug. “I don’t mind being your date to the party.”

“Gala,” Shawn corrects, mainly because he can’t help himself. 

You roll your eyes at him in playful annoyance, taking a sip from your own steaming mug. That playful annoyance showed him a glimmer of that “cool girl persona” he knows you save for the public. It wasn’t cocky or rude, just your best defense mechanism to make sure nothing phased you. Shawn envied it.

Leaning forward on your elbows, you peer at him from across his kitchen island and Shawn feels thoroughly exposed under your gaze. “Gala. Fine. I’ll be your fake girlfriend for a couple weeks and your arm candy to whatever little glitzy shindig you want me to be at.”

He visibly winces. “It’s not like that.”

The hearty laugh that comes from your lips only calms him slightly. “Relax, Shawn. I’m just kidding.” He still doesn’t look convinced, so you reach across the counter and take his hand, squeezing it once. His skin tingles under your touch. “Honestly, it sounds like it’ll be fun.”

“It’s boring.” Shawn says. And he doesn’t know why he’s still talking because you’ve already agreed, but for some reason he feels like he needs to warn you about the type of environment these events can usually create.

“Dating you is boring? Or going to the Gala?”

“The Gala,” he says, fake wounded. “Dating me is _not_ boring.”

You shrug. “Wouldn’t know, I’ve never dated you.”

“I’m not boring!”

You raise your brow at him in suspicion. “Why are you trying to talk me out of this when I already said yes like a minute ago?”

“Because I’m trying to give you fair warning.” Which isn’t completely a lie. Mostly he’s still shocked you said yes so easily. He had so many bribes up his sleeve.

“Shawn, you do realize we’re in the same line of business, right?” He nods. “And you do realize I was also invited to this ‘gala’ of yours.”

His eyes bulge out of his head. “You were? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I got the invite two months ago and I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to go, so I just left it with my manager. However, since you asked me to be your date so nicely…” You put your mug down and pull your phone out, Shawn assumes to text your manager so you can let them know you’ll be going as Shawn’s plus one. On instinct, Shawn gets his phone out to tell Andrew the same. 

When he pockets his phone, you take a photo of Shawn with your own, smiling at his disgruntled puppy expression. 

“What was that for?”

“Gotta play up the fake dating, don’t we?”

He blinks at you. When he doesn’t respond, you sigh. “Shawn. Do you know how fake dating works? Have you watched movies?”

Shawn shrugs. “I mean kind of.”

“Okay, your homework tonight is to watch all the fake dating movies from the nineties. And maybe ‘To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before’ because you desperately need it.”

“Is that the one with the Noah kid?”

You sigh again. “We have a lot of work to do. But first, what are the rules here?”

“Rules?”

“Yeah. Like are you planning on making out with me in public? Or are we keeping things PG?”

Shawn feels like he might faint.

-

He tries to keep his eyes on you, ignoring the many stares he gets as the two of you sit down at a booth, waiting for your friends. You have on your cool girl persona, the one he envies you for having, not paying any mind to the prying eyes all around.

He scoots in next to you, not paying attention when he almost sits on top of you. He apologizes, but his eyes are still on the crowd, and you know he’s in his head. His knee is vibrating and he’s antsy if the drumming of his fingers on your thigh are anything to go by.

“Hey.” You call.

Shawn’s eyes snap to you, and he gives you a small smile. You frown, seeing right through it and him. You grab his hand, stopping the drumming in your leg, lacing your fingers through his and giving it a squeeze. “It’s just you and me. Right? Nothing’s changed. Who gives a shit what anyone else sees or what they think? They don’t know.”

“Right.”

“And it’s only been two days.” You say, offering a small smile. “You gonna dump me already?”

“No.” He says with a small frown, squeezing your hand. “No way.”

“Good.” You say, nudging him a little. You give him a quick kiss just to be sure, in case he doesn’t already know. In case he can’t tell.

It distracts him enough, leaving him a bit speechless. At first you think you’ve overstepped your boundaries, but then he says “Is it bad if I want alcohol right now?”

You laugh. “I mean we are at a club, so realistically no.” You flag down a passing bottle girl and grab two shot glasses from the tray. You hand him one, and move to toast.

“To the glitzy shindig.”

Shawn laughs, clinking your glasses together before downing the liquid. He feels himself relax a little as he sets the glass down, and he smiles at you. 

“Feel like doing body shots later?”

You smirk. “That’s my boy.”

-

It’s well into the night and Shawn is thoroughly liquored up - taking all the shots his friends offer and more to ease his nerves.

There were no body shots - thankfully - but Shawn got awfully handsy and close to it a few times.

He needed to calm his nerves and you knew letting loose would probably help him best, especially with everyone around. And it wasn’t like either of you had said anything anyway. Though the two of you arrived together, no one was around, and when your friends did arrive, no one suspected anything, and it wasn’t like it was odd for you to hang out with everyone either.

You’re out on the dance floor with everyone, illuminated by the flashing blue and pink lights, and Shawn watches you closely. 

He’s lucky to have you.

As a friend, a fake girlfriend, all of it. He’s lucky you fit right into his life like this and lucky you agreed to be paired up with a guy like him.

Dark and grey in comparison to how bright and energetic you are, but he can feel your brightness wrapping its way around him as this arrangement progresses minute by minute.

He doesn’t realize he’s heading to you until he’s a few feet away, and you catch his eye, beckoning him to you.

When he’s in front of you, you place your hands on his biceps, giggling a little when he gets into your space, bodies pressed together.

Shawn bends his head down so you can hear him.

“What if I kissed you for real?” He says. 

You shake your head with a laugh. “Shawn all of our kisses are real.”

“No, not when they’re in public.” He reasons. He’s drunk. You both know he’s drunk but the words just come out of him, and he knows you won’t stop him. “When you kiss me in public it’s not real.”

“Shawn, yes they are.” You try to convince him, but he shakes his head with a smile.

“No, it’s only real when it’s just us. Like when we got here. That was real. Would you let me kiss you for real at home?”

“When have I ever said no to you?”

His smile grows ten times wider and you smile in return. “I liked it when you kissed me earlier.”

“I think you’re a little drunk, Shawn.”

He wants to say he isn’t, but then the song changes and the bass gets stronger, and he stumbles a little. You and a few of the guys help haul him to the bathroom, just to be sure.

-

Niall soon becomes the only one outside of you and Shawn who knows. Mostly because it’s one of those rare occasions where you’re all in the same city for once and you invite him to join you and Shawn for brunch, and when you kiss Shawn on the lips absentmindedly, finally getting Shawn comfortable with the concept of PDA after what he called his “embarrassing stunt at the club,” Niall almost spits out his bloody mary.

And Shawn should have told him the minute you agreed, he just got so caught up in spending time with you that he forgot. Too wrapped up in your company and affection (albeit 50% of it for show) to remember to tell Niall to expect this for a little while. 

“What the fuck was tha’?” He demands, pointing an accusatory finger at you both. 

“The Gala.” You say. “Remember?” At Niall’s blank expression, you bat your eyelashes and put on your best innocent look, which you know Niall would never buy. “Shawnie here asked me to go steady, and I was so smitten I said yes!”

Niall gags. “So you’re fake dating?”

You kick Niall under the table, speaking quietly. “Ixnay on the ake-fae, alright?”

“It won’t work. Fake dating never works.”

“Because you’re an expert in fake dates, aren’t you Ni?” 

“Why did you even agree?” Niall wonders, leaning forward. Shawn watches you and Niall share a look that Shawn can’t read. “You said you weren’t even going to the gala.”

“Well Shawn asked me to be his date, so I changed my mind.”

“Yeah, you can agree to be his date but why’d you agree to be his fake girlfriend? That part isn’t necessary, is it?”

You pout, leaning back in your chair. “I have my reasons,” you say mysteriously, before pulling the menu up to cover your face.

Shawn’s still sitting in his seat, stomach swarmed with butterflies at the tingling feeling in his lips, lingering from your kiss.

_Why did you agree?_

-

Shawn’s been to the SiriusXM studios a bunch of times, but he’s never accompanied anyone else, usually he just goes for his own stuff.

Today though he’s here with you playing the “supportive boyfriend” role. 

Usually these things are pretty standard - an interview, a live performance with your song, and then a cover if you feel like it.

The first two have already gone by, and Shawn felt a lot of guilt at the fact that a majority of the interview was full of questions about him. You took it in stride, cool girl persona on full force for things like this, refusing to let trivial and pointless things get to you.

But still. He didn’t want your “relationship” to be the focus, especially when you had your own stuff to promote. He’d been waiting in another room with your manager and publicist, trying to do his best to hide away and give you the spotlight. 

They had asked at one point, “how long have you and Shawn been together?”

And when you held steadfast, replying calmly and cooly that “We haven’t put a label on it. We’re just keeping it fun,” they accused you of lying, of being in a relationship with Shawn for much longer and just not wanting anyone to know. 

You kept up your cool girl persona though, ice cold when you replied to them “This isn’t a nineties movie, we’ve never been in a secret relationship. Besides, what would I gain from lying about having feelings for my best friend?”

“Publicity?” They replied. “Stirring up the rumor mill.”

“Promotion?” Someone else had said.

“If I wanted publicity I’d do it on my own.” You said, an ice cold tone turning sickly sweet. “And neither of us need promotion. Shawn does fine on his own, and I’ve got nothing going on right now to promote anyway that I haven’t already talked about in the last six months.”

And realistically, Shawn knew it didn’t matter what they said, because you weren’t dating anyway, but still, they had no right.

“Relax,” your publicist had told him. “She can handle herself.”

Shawn _knew_ that. He knew you could. But still. He wanted to run in there and shut the whole interview down.

“Besides,” your publicist said, “You’re not actually dating anyway. Once the gala’s over it all goes away.”

And Shawn didn’t like that thought either, even though he knew that as well.

He would probably need to address this with you at some point. Shawn didn’t want this to be some sort of transaction. He didn’t want you to feel like he only needed you for this and then it would be done. You were his friend before this and he still wanted you to be his friend after. 

Going back to being “just friends” though was starting to seem more and more difficult. 

The more he saw, the more he learned about you, the more he wasn’t sure if he was completely okay with this being fake. 

He shakes the thought from his head and focuses on you. 

You’re sitting at a piano, doing a cover of your favorite Sam Smith song, and Shawn tries his best to just focus on you. Besides, after you were out of this building, you’d both go back to the hotel to get ready for the Rangers game against the Leafs at Madison Square Garden.

Just what he needed to relax.

He watches as your fingers dance across the keys, eyes closed as you lose yourself in the music.

**_“This moment has caused a reaction_ **

**_Resulting in a reattachment_ **

**_Will you take me to nirvana?_ **

**_I don’t think this will last_ **

**_But you’re here in my arms”_ **

-

Shawn realizes he’s always been intimidated by you, and maybe that’s why he’s been struggling with why you agreed to all of this in the first place.

Not that you’re an intimidating person, it’s just that you’ve always been confident in a way that he wishes he could be, and you’ve always been so calm and smooth, and he is not. 

You’ve mastered your cool girl persona - from the casual eye rolls and ice cold tone all the way down to the “kill them with kindness and silence” vibes you give off to everyone who doesn’t know you. You’re a force to be reckoned with, a beautiful hurricane and Shawn can only bunker down and take everything you give him.

And really, he’s not your boyfriend, but sometimes he feels a little inadequate next to you. Like if you were really dating you’d be so far out of his league.

The whole thing is starting to confuse him. How easily you slip into the roll of being his girlfriend, how he loves how larger than life you are, and how natural it feels when you kiss him, like it’s _right_.

The gala was on the horizon, and he wasn’t sure if he was prepared for it to come and then pass, because then that meant not being on the receiving end of your hugs and kisses anymore.

Kissing you had quickly become his favorite. It took you awhile to convince him that it was okay - that you didn’t feel forced to do it and that you genuinely wanted to and didn’t mind kissing him. You also had to assure him that the little stunt he pulled at the club earlier was totally fine, and that every time you kissed him, whether in public or the little reassuring ones in private, they were all real and you meant them. And once you did convince him, he was all for it. 

Although, he didn’t understand why you still did it when the two of you were in private, but he chalked it up to you just committing yourself to the deal. Maybe even just absentmindedly doing it because you forgot there was no one else around.

Of course, he didn’t mind it. You kissed him sweetly and it always made him feel warm inside. He liked holding your hand when you got up on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek, liked when you tilted your head up to ask him for a kiss and smiled widely at him when he gave you one. 

Liked that when he was with you, your cool girl persona went away, that you stored it in a box and put it on a shelf and that all that was left was just you. Kind, sweet, adorable you. 

It was…domestic? He thinks that’s the word Niall used. And he liked it. Liked _you._

But, the part of you that intimidated him, the simple and matter of fact you, still scared him a little. Through the haze of all of your affection, he still didn’t get what was in this for you. 

But he would eventually find out.

He has to fly out to Bali really quickly for a friend’s birthday, which meant your publicity stunt slash fake dating agreement would have been put on pause, but instead you just offered to tag along.

“I know I’m not your actual girlfriend, but I don’t mind buying Matt a gift and partying along.” You say. At Shawn’s blank expression, you frown. “Unless it’s a boy’s only thing, then that I can definitely do without.”

“You genuinely want to come?”

You stare at him in that “cool girl” way, a way that makes him feel like he asked a stupid question. “What is it with you lately? Making sure I want to do things with you, like you think I’m just going to back out on you.”

It comes out harsher than you intended. Shawn knows because he can see the need to rephrase in your eyes. He wants to be honest and say “because I don’t know why you’re here even though I asked you to be and it’s scaring me,” but instead he asks “Why did you agree to be my fake girlfriend?”

You blink. For a second Shawn sees the calm and cool demeanor fade from your face, but then you frown, and Shawn doesn’t like the twisting feeling he gets in his gut. 

“Because you’re my friend and you asked me to.” You say. “That, and because we don’t really see each other a lot anymore, so I figured this would be a good way to hang out more.”

“You _want_ to hang out with me?”

“Of course I do. Fake dating or not Shawn I actually like spending time with you.”

He sighs, letting his head hang and his curls flop in front of his face. “I just…I guess I keep asking you because I didn’t know what was in this for you. If you were getting something out of this too.” 

**_Or if you were starting to like kissing me as much as I like kissing you._ **

“I get _you_ , Shawn. And you get me.”

As if that’s not ominous enough.

-

““Because you’re my friend and you asked me to.” You said. “That, and because we don’t really see each other a lot anymore, so I figured this would be a good way to hang out more.”

_That part is true. You missed him being around. Missed when he lived with you in Malibu when recording his last album. You’d become close then. And lately, not hanging out a lot made you miss his company even more._

“You _want_ to hang out with me?”

“Of course I do. Fake dating or not Shawn I actually like spending time with you.”

_Again, true. He’d been your friend for years. Why wouldn’t you like spending time with him?_

“I just…I guess I keep asking you because I didn’t know what was in this for you. If you were getting something out of this too.” 

_Your heart aches - how could he think you’d be using him? How does he not realize how great he is to be around? Does he not see it? Does he not see you wouldn’t do this for anyone else?_

_Does he not see that it’s him?_

“I get _you_ , Shawn. And you get me.”

_That was true._

_Partially._

_You’d get him as a friend, and he would get you and whatever he needed or wanted you to be._

When you agreed to this, you meant it that you’d do it for him. That you intended to do this to help him save face, get the promo he needs. You put on your cool girl persona to help him get the job done, but also to spend time with him. 

You didn’t think those nineties movies would backfire on you. 

And you definitely didn’t think resurfacing and strengthening you once buried feelings for Shawn would become part of the deal. 

-

Bali went by quickly.

It was full of sun, swimming, hiking, zip lining, and sunset dinners on the patio of the villa you’d all rented out to celebrate Matt’s birthday.

Shawn was pleasantly surprised when everyone was so excited that you came along, loving spending time with you after not seeing you for a while. It wasn’t clear to your friends what you and Shawn were - you shared a room in the villa and they often caught you sneaking kisses with him sometimes, even blatantly kissing him a couple of times - but to them it didn’t really matter. As long as Shawn was happy they didn’t care.

One of the last nights you were there, you were absolutely tired after a day of swimming at the beach and hiking one of the nearby trails with some of the girls. Shawn had showered after you and had come back into the bedroom to find you fast asleep.

He crawled in beside you like he’d done the past few nights, expecting you to turn over and keep a polite distance like you’d tried to since you got there. But instead, when Shawn got in bed you moved closer, hand resting on his chest and nuzzling his arm. 

Too scared to wake you, he lifted his arm and pulled you into his side, feeling a tingle up his spine when you intertwined your legs together. 

He fell asleep like that, the warm weight of you against his side. 

When he wakes in the morning alone, he almost feels empty, but then you come into the room with two warm mugs of tea and a small smile on your lips. “Hi there, sleep well?”

He nods, sitting up to accept the mug as you sit by his side. “Sorry if I hogged your space last night.” He knows you’re only saying so to make sure he wasn’t upset, but he was the farthest thing from upset.

Shawn shakes his head. “I didn’t mind it.”

You reach out and rest your leg on his thigh, smiling over the rim of your mug, the Bali sun casting shadows behind you and Shawn thinks he might be in trouble.

-

Shawn comes back to his apartment one day fully expecting to be alone. You two had hung out earlier in the day, watching movies together on his couch, then you made grilled cheese and tomato soup for lunch before he had to head to the studio for a writing session. You were napping on his couch when he left, and he woke you for a brief moment, just to tell you he’d be back later and give you a kiss on the forehead. You told him that you probably weren’t going to be there when he got back.

But you were.

The minute he walks through the door he smells a million delicious things all at once, and while he can’t figure out what you’re making, he knows it’ll probably taste divine.

He shuts the door behind him, the sound alerting you to his return, and you call out, “Oh my darling husband, is that you?” 

Shawn laughs, turning into his kitchen and holding his arms out in a flourish. “Yes honey, I’m home!”

“Well come here and give your wife a kiss hello!”

He approaches you and eyes the pots on the stove, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek. “What are you making?”

“Well I figured I’d put my fake girlfriend skills to use and make you dinner. Plus your couch was comfy and Whole Foods delivers now so it was the obvious decision.”

“And on tonight’s menu is?”

“Turkey chili with brown rice and sweet jalapeno cornbread.” You answer, lifting the lid on one of the pots to stir the rice. “The cornbread is almost done. And I made chocolate covered strawberries for dessert.”

Shawn gapes a little. “All this and I didn’t get you anything.”

You laugh, leaning up and kissing his chin. “I told you Shawn. I get you, and you get me.”

He still doesn’t know what you mean by that, but he thinks he’s starting to figure it out.

-

You’re both back in LA for the Gala. It’s days away at this point, and Tiffany insisted that the two of you do a joint fitting.

“If you’re going to pull this off you both need to look like royalty.”

She handpicked a simple silk gown, the color a deep royal blue. It fits you in the ways you prefer and makes you feel exactly like Tiffany intended - like royalty.

“All you need is a set of pearls maybe.” Tiffany says. “Or a simple chain. Gold. Maybe a signet ring.”

You both look at Shawn for his input, but the rosiness in his cheeks and smile on his lips says enough. You smile back, turning back into the dressing room quickly to calm the heat in your own skin.

When you emerge back out in your jeans and tee shirt, Shawn’s already in his own dressing room. Tiffany pats the seat beside her and you sit, talking about the upcoming gala and your thoughts on what color heels you should wear.

Your conversation halts when Shawn opens the door to his dressing room, stepping out with that shy look on his face.

“My little James Dean.” Tiffany praises, standing immediately to fuss with the fabric and make necessary adjustments.

Shawn looks…

Well, he looks like he always does - handsome, princely, sweet and kind and gentle and charming. But to you, he looks like the Shawn you’ve always known him to be. 

The dictionary definition of divinity. A man with the kind of boy next door charm that could decimate the hearts of millions with one quirk of his lips. Aphrodite’s long lost son. The holiest creation you think you’ve ever seen.

Everything he wants to be, but already is. 

The royal blue fits nicely on his recently suntanned skin - a good sign that having Matt’s birthday party in Bali was the right choice. 

All he needs are shoes and he’s practically ready for the runway now.

“What do you think?” 

Shawn’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts, and you look up from his suit to find him and Tiffany looking at you expectantly.

Tiffany’s smirking at you, but Shawn just smiles, a little bashful under all the scrutiny. “Think I can hang with you in this outfit?”

You school your expression and put on your cool girl persona for a brief moment. 

“I think you’re a little out of my league on this one Shawn.” Your admission brings his rosy cheeks back full force, and he bites his lip to keep from smiling. “You look handsome.”

“My little James Dean.” Tiffany repeats.

Shawn’s eyes meet yours and you both smile. You want to reach out and hold his hand, want to go up and kiss him and tell him how gorgeous he looks like this.

But instead, you take out your phone and snap a couple of pictures. Not to post, like you say you’ve been doing lately. No. These ones are just for you.

They’ve all mostly been just for you. Other than the one you took on that first day in his kitchen, and one you took of you, him, and Niall on that lunch date. 

They’re for you because you want something to remember this by. Something to have when the gala is over, the agreement ends, and the dust settles.

Something to have when it all goes back to normal and he’s not yours anymore. 

When you remember he was never yours.

-

The Gala is everything he expected it to be and more. 

Held at the most expensive hotel in the city, it was nothing short of expensive and exclusive. There’s a red carpet, a paparazzi walk, a few interviews, the standard - but the noise he’s used to isn’t the noise he gets. He forgot your little fake dating stunt was causing national headlines, sparking all sorts of gossip and attention. 

The minute you two stepped out of your limo you were met with deafening screams, people shouting at you both for pictures and autographs and statements. You both took time for pictures with fans and then went through the motions before being led inside and to your tables.

The first part of the gala was in a ballroom set up to look like an award show. There was a fancy dinner, a few speeches and awards, and Shawn was shocked to find out he was receiving an award for the Shawn Mendes Foundation. He didn’t even know he was nominated, and _definitely_ didn’t realize that that’s why they invited him in the first place.

When they called him up to accept his award, he stood up to acknowledge his team as per usual, but then he turned to you and felt his heart stop.

Your cool girl persona you put on for the red carpet was long gone and stored away, and you were looking at him with the biggest smile on your face, like you were going to burst with joy. It made him smile too, and he took you by surprise by putting his hands on your cheeks and pulling you in for a kiss.

He’d _never_ been the one to initiate a kiss. It had always been you. But this one, just this once, he needed to do it. 

Call it a thank you. Call it a selfish, stolen kiss. Call it him finally drinking in some of your confidence and boldness he always hoped to have.

Call it love, maybe. Appreciation.

But it nearly made you both buckle at the knees. 

His acceptance speech was short and brief, and he made sure to acknowledge the people who helped and inspired him to be part of change - including you, who challenged him to be bolder and confident and to speak up. 

“You’re confident in a way I desire to be, and hope to be, and you teach me just how to do that every day that I’m with you. I am incredibly thankful to have you in my life.”

It made sense to thank you. To say what he did. 

Because he meant it and because it was the truth. Because maybe asking you to be his fake girlfriend was the best thing he ever did. He always felt like finding that person would make him a better person. And it’s true, because he realized he found it with you.

But as you watched him, as you listened and heard what he had to say, you couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t true. Like you didn’t do anything to help him or deserve the credit.

You agreed to this selfishly. Maybe you didn’t see it before, but you did now. You didn’t challenge Shawn to be bolder or more confident. You didn’t help him speak up. He did that all on his own. 

You didn’t deserve thanks for a damn thing. 

You started to feel like a fraud. Like you didn’t belong. Like you shouldn’t have agreed to any of this. Now you felt like you were taking advantage of Shawn, and you swore to yourself you’d never be that person.

Everyone clapped and cheered and so did you, keeping the same smile on your face. But when Shawn left the stage and his team got up to go and greet him backstage, you found yourself stuck to your seat.

Andrew came around the table and pulled you up. “C’mon, we have to go grab him.”

“Andrew I don’t think-”

But he wouldn’t hear it - he whisked you away and you were suddenly very aware of all of the eyes in the room.

-

Once the formal portion of the gala was over, a reception was being held in another ballroom next door.

Mostly just cocktails, more food, but also the chance to mingle and rub elbows, secure donations to charities.

Shawn was shocked when several executives came up and offered him extremely generous donations to his charity, and thanked them profusely for it.

It was all becoming overwhelming, and he needed to find you to calm down.

You’d gotten separated at the beginning of the reception, Shawn being whisked away by various people, and you’d perched yourself at one of the high top tables in the room so that he could find you easily later on.

But that was almost an hour ago and he lost sight of you. 

He starts weaving through the crowd and back towards the doors of the ballroom, knowing your table was in that general vicinity.

Shawn finally spots the blue of your dress and sighs with relief, kindly moving past people to get to where he sees you talking with someone. He’s just a few feet away when someone cuts in front of him, obscuring his view of you.

A blonde woman stands before him, chest pushed out in her strapless gown and a demure smile on her lips.

“So you’re the fabulous Shawn Mendes my daughters always tell me about.” 

He laughs nervously, his eyes flicking up to you to make sure you haven’t moved. He calls to you in his mind, begging you to look over and see him. “I suppose I am.”

“Well it’s fabulous to meet you, handsome.” She says. He’s sure she introduces herself, but Shawn misses it because you finally glance in his direction, but you still don’t _see_ him.

“I’d love to make a donation.”

At that, Shawn tries to go into business mode, putting on a polite smile and trying his best to give this woman his attention, but it falters when she says “Maybe we could discuss the amount over champagne? Even dinner, perhaps? I have a room tonight, if you’re interested in negotiating.”

He immediately tenses, an itchy feeling crawling up his spine. He backs away from the woman with a tight lipped smile and a curt “No thank you,” finally crossing the few feet to get to you. 

Shawn wraps an arm around your waist when he reaches you, pulling you to him. You excuse yourself from your conversation with Tiffany, raising a curious brow at him. “You okay?” You ask lowly.

He nods, “I wasn’t flirting with her.”

Confusion. “What?”

“That woman over there.” He points to where he left the woman, and you spot her immediately.

Mostly because she’s staring daggers at the both of you. 

You turn back to Shawn, laughing a little. “Oh, well that’s good to know.”

Shawn’s brows furrow. “You’re not…mad?”

The smile that graces your features is dazzling. Shawn doesn’t know whether to swoon or be scared. “Why would I be mad Shawn? You can flirt with who you’d like. We’re not _actually_ dating.”

Oh. “Right, well,” he falters, not really liking your response, “No one else knows that though. You’re still here as my date and my girlfriend.”

“That I am.” 

“So I don’t want to be rude.”

You laugh again, leaning into his side a little more. “I’m sure that’s not possible Shawn. You don’t have a rude bone in your body.”

“But we-”

“It’s fine, Shawn.” You insist. “We don’t have a label. It’s just for fun.”

**_“We haven’t put a label on it. We’re just keeping it fun”_ **

He feels like he’s been punched in the gut, his body yanking him back to that interview, to the guilty feeling he had the whole day for dragging you into this. Did you feel that way too? Have you felt this way all along?

Was he really so blind and caught up in your affection he thought you were being genuine? That he didn’t realize all of this was fake?

Did you put on your cool girl persona for him too? 

Niall saunters up then, cutting off Shawn’s lack of a response.

“There are my two lovebirds!” Niall says, pulling you both in for a hug. “Congratulations Shawnie boy.” 

“Thanks man.” Shawn replies, still looking at you. But you’re looking at Niall now, expression unreadable.

“Bet you two are happy this is all over with.” Niall says.

“Yeah.” Shawn murmurs. “Happy.”

“The night is still young though gentlemen.” You say, grabbing your champagne flute. “There’s still more elbows to rub, pockets to drain and such.” 

You stand then, patting them both on the back. “And noses to powder.” It’s a joke, they both know, just you making fun of the snotty rich people in the room. You dismiss yourself to the bathroom, and Niall takes your seat.

“You alright Shawn?” He asks. “You’re looking a little pale there.”

“I think I made a mistake, Niall. A big mistake.”

-

Radio silence.

It’s been weeks since the gala ended, and after you both left that night, you kissed Shawn goodbye at his place, one final goodbye on the lips. You thanked him for asking you to do this, thanked him for a great night, then told him you’d text him and that you’d see him soon.

Except you didn’t. He waited for a sign from you for days. He texted you himself and asked if you were still in town. Asked if you wanted to hang out.

He sent you a picture of the dress and accessories you wore, asking if you wanted Tiffany to send them to you. He even sent you a picture he’d taken of you in the limo, bright eyed and dazzling, saying you could post it if you wanted.

Nothing. 

Not a single word.

And it was making Shawn angry.

He caught wind that you were back in Los Angeles from Niall, who was working as a double agent. Allowing you to confide in him and allowing Shawn to be privy to some information. 

Shawn told Niall that night at the Gala that he had feelings for you. That this whole fake dating thing didn’t work and wasn’t working because it wasn’t fake to Shawn anymore, and he didn’t want it to be fake to you either. Niall told Shawn then to man up and say something, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. 

He didn’t know where to start. And then you disappeared on him.

So after nearly a month of not hearing from you, he flies to LA and drives straight to Niall’s place. Niall’s already got beer waiting and he also took the liberty of making Shawn dinner, trying to calm his friend’s nerves.

Shawn spills his heart out about everything. About how you were the one who got him through the whole scenario, about how you went above and beyond even though you didn’t have to. 

About how not hearing from you has been driving him insane but how it’s also been breaking his heart before he even had the chance to give it to you

Niall said “So tell her. What’s so wrong with that?”

“Because I don’t think she feels the same. She said something just now…something she said in an interview. That we’re just having fun, and-”

“Well you were.”

Shawn shook his head. “No. You know how she is with the public? That persona she puts on?”

“Shawn are you drunk?”

“I’m serious! When she acts like she’s cool, when she puts on that confidence, that like, uncaring air about her…” He trailed off, trying to explain it but Niall remained unconvinced.

“Shawn…I’m going to say this because you’re my friend, but honest to God I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You don’t see it?”

“No. I don’t. I know when she deals with the public and media and stuff she puts them in their place if they deserve it. Like tonight - she’ll act all blase but that’s because of where she is. I mean look around! This place is full of snobs. But that’s warranted stuff. I’ve never seen her put on an act or change her personality for anyone or anything.”

Shawn went quiet. 

“You think she was being that way with you? Like it wasn’t real?” Shawn nodded, and Niall sighed deeply. “You know she would never do that. She wouldn’t have agreed to help you if that’s how she was going to be.”

“Then why hasn’t she talked to me.”

Niall leveled him with a look. “Because it wasn’t fake to her either. She might have played it cool, but I guarantee you she feels the way you do.”

Shawn sighs, staring at his phone and wishing for your name to show up on the screen. “So what am I supposed to do?”

“You know. One of the boys asked me this once and I hit him over the head with a bag of chips. But because I like you differently I’m not gonna do that.” Instead, Niall pulls out his phone, typing off a quick text.

He panics, staring at Niall, who’s still typing. “What did you do?”

“I told her you’re coming over and that you’ll be at her place within an hour. And I just texted _you_ ,” Shawn’s phone vibrates in his pocket, “her address. Which gives you enough time to stop off at a store for candy or flowers or chocolate or whatever apology thing you want to give her, and then still get to her house on time.”

“What am I even going to say?”

“That fake dating is dumb, Niall is right, and you think you might be falling for her.”

Shawn narrows his eyes at his friend. “You’d better not write a song about this and put it on your next album.”

“I won’t.” Niall promises, “You know why?”

“Why?”

“Because you’re gonna do it yourself.”

-

Shawn’s pacing in the driveway of the house you’re staying at for your time in LA. He’s got a bouquet filled with purple tulips, baby’s breath, lavender and eucalyptus in one hand, and he’s gesticulating with another, going over what he has to say in his head. He’s so distracted and panicked that he doesn’t notice you open the front door and lean against the frame, watching him with amusement.

You take pity on him after a few more minutes of watching him pace, calling out “Why’d you thank me in your speech?”

He stops in his tracks, nearly jumping out of his skin. “Holy shit!”

“You didn’t have to thank me. I didn’t do anything.”

Shawn frowns. “You did a lot. You did more than I ever asked you to do.”

“But I didn’t deserve to be thanked. I didn’t help you or your charity.”

“I didn’t even know my charity was part of it!”

“Well I didn’t help you either.”

“But you did.” He says, taking a couple of tentative steps closer.

“All I agreed to was to be your arm candy.”

“Then if you were only arm candy why’d you kiss me? Why’d you make me dinner and come to Bali with me?”

“You’re lucky you’re cute, Shawn.”

“Don’t patronize me. Don’t play it cool like this isn’t exactly what you and I think it is.”

You narrow your eyes, crossing the distance and throwing your arms out. “And what exactly do you think this is?”

Shawn drops the flowers and grabs your face, pulling you in for a searing kiss. He feels your arms wind around his waist and pull him closer, and his lips part a little, giving you the option to take control. 

You don’t though, which takes him by surprise. You open up beneath him and suddenly he’s very aware you’re both in the driveway of a family neighborhood, and he backs off.

“This isn’t fake.” You admit, hanging your head a little. “It’s never been fake.”

“Why didn’t you just _tell_ me?” He does everything he can not to whine about it, placing his finger under your chin, begging you to look at him, to _see_ him.

“Because I didn’t think that you’d-”

“But I _do_. I do.” 

You look at him then, and you see him, and you smile. “I do, too.”

“Then will you go steady with me? Make a donation to the heart of Shawn Mendes?”

“Depends.” You say, a small playful smirk on your lips. “What do I get in return?”

“I get you.” Shawn says. “And you get me.”


End file.
